Unconscious convictions
We all have a structure of unconscious convictions. For instance: Rich is better than poor. If this is also one of my convictions, I will have, in most cases, more respect for a rich person than for a poor person. I will not invite poor people, because they will not be able to invite me back and that would be disagreeable for them. I prefer to live in a house that is situated in a part of the town, where people live who have at least the same kind of income as I have. Etc.
Handsome is better than ugly. I intuitively avoid people with a disfigured face. I think, that such people should not come to a public party. Of course a beautiful woman is much nicer to talk with than a woman with an expressionless face. As an employer I prefer a very good looking girl as a secretary. Etc.
Intelligent is better than only common sense. I think that intelligent people are much more interesting. They at least have some understanding for society. I can ask them all kind of questions and very often they can help me. You only can earn enough money for a normal living when you are intelligent. Etc.
And some day I fall in love with a woman who is not handsome at all, who even has no bank account and who just smiles when I discuss my most cherished theories with my best friend. But she is so charming! She takes care of herself and of me as if we were one. She understands every situation at once and quite naturally follows her loving intuition. She always sees what is to be done but she is never in a hurry and never nervous. She always sees the funny side and can heartily laugh without ever offending somebody.
My God, what am I to do?
Other examples: I know that I sometimes am lying, out of fear, laziness or egoism. But it is not possible in this world to speak the truth all the time. I would make myself ridiculous. I would lose too much money by telling the whole truth about my products. I would have to tell my wife everything and that is nonsense. Life has taught me, that you better not trust anybody. So often I tried it out and relied on his words, but nearly every time I was disappointed. No, to me everybody is a lying egoist until I got the proof he is not.
People say, it is wrong to drink more than 2 glasses of wine each evening. But they have no idea how I need those 6 glasses.
And some day, in that most important splitsecond, I recognise, that I could be happy, free, loving... One with all. My God, what am I to do?
It is not easy, to do away with those unconscious convictions. Our whole life is built on them. The first step is admitting that longing. Only very few can go the path on insight only. We mostly need a deep crisis or two. But it is worthwhile.
Adrian